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专题4 读后续写课堂讲义 写作练习与讲评素材
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这是一份专题4 读后续写课堂讲义 写作练习与讲评素材，共11页。
My tw sets f grandparents lived in Clrad and Nrth Dakta， and my parents decided t spend a few weeks driving t thse states and seeing all the sights alng the way. As the first day f ur trip apprached， David， my eight-year-ld brther， and I unwillingly said gd-bye t all f ur friends. Wh knew if we’d ever see them again？ Finally， the mment f ur departure arrived， and we laded suitcases， bks， games， camping equipment， and a tent int the car and bravely drve ff. We bravely drve ff again tw hurs later after wed returned hme t get the purse and travelers checks Mm had frgtten.
David and I were always a little nervus when using gas statin bathrms if Mm was driving while Dad slept： “Yu stand utside the dr and play lkut （放哨） while I g， and I’ll stand utside the dr and play lkut while yu g.” I had terrible pictures in my mind： “Hney， where are the kids？” “What？！ Oh， Gsh… I thught they were being awfully quiet.” We were never actually left behind in a strange city， but we werent abut t take any chances.
On the furth r fifth night， we had truble finding a htel with a vacancy. After driving in vain fr sme time， Mm suddenly gt a great idea： Why didn’t we find a huse with a likely-lking backyard and ask if we culd set up tent there？ David and I became nervus. T ur great relief， Dad turned dwn the idea. Mm never culd understand ur bjectins （反对）. If a strange family shwed up n her frnt drsteps， Mm wuld have been delighted. She thinks everyne in the wrld is as nice as she is. We finally fund a vacancy in the next twn.
注意：
1.所續写短文的词数应为150左右；
2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way.
写作指导
文体： 以记叙文体为主。尤其是续写的第一段，因所给短文第四段母亲的野营提议没有通过，续写第一段又提出帐篷，应围绕帐篷接续故事，避免轻易议论。续写第二段所给开头语既可视作总起性语言，也可视作总结性语言，如果视作总结性语言，则故事已经结束，考生接下去甚至可用整段抒发感情或发表议论，如此，则续写部分的文体可以是记叙文和说明文（议论文）各占一半。
结构 分两段，共150词左右，两段词数最好能基本平衡，一般应避免一段过多一段过少的情况。 内容 结合续写部分所给段落开头语来看，真正的故事发展从第四段开始，前三段只不过都是为了说明母亲的健忘。续写的部分，应着重讲述围绕母亲健忘所发生的趣事。同时，由于原文多次提到母亲“lving” “sweet” “nice”的性格特征，在续写中最好能将这些性格与健忘结合起来。另外，续写的第二段开放性较大，考生可叙事，可说明，可议论，甚至还可以写一点本次旅程以外的内容，对于考查学生的输出能力是很有利的。
本篇故事有一定的思想性，考生在续写部分如将故事做恰当的提炼和升华，应该得到鼓励。需要特别指出的是，所给短文（含标题）中提到了“vacatin” “an interesting childhd” “surprises and amusements” “strange”等，这些内容一方面给续写提供了一些可用的线索，但另一方面却容易干扰考生对故事主线的把握，考生在阅读所给短文和续写的过程中可以不加特别关注。同理，原文中一些描述和说明，如“... unwillingly said gd-bye t all f ur friends. Wh knew if we’d ever see them again？”“Yu stand utside the dr and play lkut while I g， and I’ll stand utside the dr and play lkut while yu g.” “I had terrible pictures in my mind： ‘Hney， where are the kids？ ‘What？！ Oh， Gsh ... I thught they were being awfully quiet.”等，对部分考生的理解可能具有较大难度，但其实这些语句除了说明母亲的健忘外，对故事主线的发展并没有制约与贡献，考生在续写时也可不加特别关注。
语言 时态上，所给短文叙述发生在过去的一件事情，采用过去时。续写时，记叙文体部分沿用过去时，抒情或议论部分则要视情况区别对待：如是针对当时（过去）情况，则用过去时；如是针对普遍情况，则用现在时。短文语言总体较为平实，没有过于特别的句式，也没有大词生僻词，但描写生动，还有一些幽默的表达法（如“My tw sets f grandparents” “We bravely drve ff again ... ”以及加油站里的对话等）。续写时最好能延续这种风格。当然，所给短文的幽默不太容易察知和模拟，但平实的风格应该在续写中得到体现，在此基础上，用词和句式可以有变化，描写可以尽量生动，但不应盲目追求所谓的“高大上”，应以意义的恰当传达为准则，使用干净、明白、有表现力的语言。描写中可恰当使用一些对话，但须注意不应过多，尤其是不应有过多过于简单的对话，否则无法在有限的空间里展示语言运用能力。记叙文体部分应注重细节，多使用描绘性、描述性的语言，不要过多使用说明性的语言。抒情或议论部分可恰当使用说明性、总结性的语言。要恰当使用语句连接成分，但需要注意的是，能够完成语句连接任务的并不只有连接词和连接性副词及词组，还包括其他许多手段，如代词（代名词、代动词）、某些修辞手法（如重复、平行结构等），甚至句式变换等。续写语句的文气应与开头语相接，所续写语句相互之间的文气也应相接，使文章自然流畅，符合语言逻辑。文题所给短文由于人物与事件关系相对比较简单，两句开头语对接续语句主位的要求并不十分严格，考生在这一方面基本都能很好地完成任务。 形式 应紧接每段开头语续写，使开头语与续写部分形成一个完整的段落。如果是在开头语行下方开始续写，实际上就是另外一段了，不符合试题“续写部分分为两段”的说明（亦即要求）。书写应规范工整。
习作点评
习作1]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. Thinking f this tent， Mm suggested that we g camping in the next village in excitement， with eyes glittering. Cnsidering her enthusiasm， we all agreed. When the dr f ur car pened， Mm strmed ut instantly and urged us t put up the tent. David and I were asked t pick up sme branches t build a fire. And when we came back， Dad and Mm had already lain n the grass cmfrtably in frnt f the tent， talking merrily with a lcal by at ur age， wh always cast a glimpse at this tent curiusly. Sn we learnt that the by in rags even didn’t have a hme t live. Of curse， Mm “frgt” t take this tent with us again.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. And we als had a nice time living with my grandparents during that vacatin. But what impressed me mst was that tent， which was frgtten deliberately by Mm. Thugh she did lve ging camping， she presented that pr by with this tent ut f sympathy. It was Mm that made my childhd clrful. And it was als see that shwed me the true meaning f giving.
点评1
这篇习作描写细致，文气较为通畅，语言面貌总体相当不错，较好地完成了交际任务。习作故事情节设计合理，与短文融洽度高，人物行为描写细腻（如爸爸妈妈躺在草地上的情景），同时穿插心理描绘（如男孩不停看帐篷的眼神），动静结合，第二段的说明解释与故事结合紧密，非常合理。习作语言富于变化，如语言结构上复杂句与简单句、长句与短句错杂使用，尤其是两段结尾的短句，使文章显得有力。文章将“frgt”一词放在引号中，说明妈妈此次的健忘乃是出于其“lving”与“sweet”的美好品格，使续写的故事出乎意料之外，又在情理之中，而且提升了故事的主题思想，还给续写第二段的情感抒发做了铺垫。此外，习作有较好的修辞意识，尤其是结尾两句用了平行结构，用两个分裂句强调了母亲的优良品质，很好地使文章思想得到了升华，是习作的闪光之处。习作在描写过程中恰当地使用了一些具有较强表现力的细节描述性语言，如“Mm strmed ut” “talking merrily” “always cast a glimpse at this tent curiusly”等，使故事非常生动。当然，习作中存在的问题也是明显的。首先，习作在语法知识应用上尚显幼稚，如“eyes”前缺失限定词“her”，“didn’t have a hme t live”后缺失介词“in”等。其次，词汇方面，习作对一些词的词义把握不清，如不清楚“glimpse”与“glance”，“living”与“staying”，“grass”与“lawn”的区别；一些词的词性与用法掌握不精，如用“had already lain”来表达“躺在；已经躺下”的概念（应为“had already lain dwn”或“were already lying”）；等等。但总体而言，这些问题对意义传达影响不大。当然，如能将这些问题修正，同时调整一些语句（如将“always cast a glimpse”改为“kept glancing”等），则将更加完善。本篇习作词汇与语法结构较为丰富，语句间连接成分有效，标点准确。习作产出188词（不含开头语）。
[习作2]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. The reasn was that we culdn’t find a htel， meaning that ur tent had t be used and Mms dream came true. Unexpectedly， David nticed that Mn disappeared after dinner. Eventually， it was Dad that fund Mm. This absent-minded and frgetful wman explained that she just wanted t seek sme charming flwers but gt lst finally. Hwever， thanks t Mm， we fund a new way with mre beautiful views where she gt lst.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. All f a sudden， as driving， Mm asked， “Where is ur camping equipment？” In the end， we had t accept the fact that we ught t return t find it left by Mm. In that time， I thught this trip was in a mess because f Mm. But it’s bvius fr me tday that ur trip shuld have been bring withut this lving and sweet lady. There is n persn even a wise lady that can match her， my lving， sweet， yet absent-minded and frgetful mm.
点评2
这篇习作产出159词（不含开头语），与短文融洽度较高，尽管续写部分与段落开头语的衔接不能称之为紧密，但总体而言仍然是合理的。故事情节上，本篇习作与上篇一样，有出乎意料却合乎情理的设计，将目光放在母亲的粗心所带来的好结果上，做了翻案文章，既与所给短文紧密衔接，也使第二段的情感抒发显得自然。语言上，习作意义传达基本清楚，对语法结构和词汇的丰富性、准确性有较好的注意，文气总体较为流畅。应该说，这篇习作还是比较顺利地完成了交际任务。尤其值得指出的是，习作不但注意到了词汇的丰富性，而且能够针对不同的意义与情感表达需要来变换词汇（如说母亲“absent-minded and frgetful”时用的是“wman”，说她“lving and sweet”时用了“lady”，最后把这两类品质结合，用了“mm”），这在考生习作中是不多见的。另外值得称赞的是，本篇习作注意了使用不同语法形式来表达意义（如“it’s bvius fr me tday”中现在时的使用和“ur trip shuld have been bring”中情态助动词与完成体的结合等）。当然，与上一篇习作相比，本篇问题稍稍突出一些，主要表现在以下几个方面：一是对词句意义与语篇意义的联系注意不够，如第一段的“The reasn was ...”和“meaning ...”、第二段的“All f a sudden， as driving”等，让读者感觉不好理解；二是对语法结构的意义把握不准，导致意义发生偏差，如“it was Dad that fund Mm”（或许是不恰当追求“高大上”的结果）；三是低级语法错误导致意义不清，如“There is n persn even a wise lady that can match her”；四是有少许不应该出现的拼写方面的错误，如“Mn”。但是，总体而言，习作中所出现的问题对意义传达的影响并不突出，长短相较，应该说本篇习作在本次浙江省高考英语中属于较好的一篇，可考虑判为第四档。
[习作3]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. It seemed that we wuldn’t get any chance t use it. Just when we felt tugh t deal with it， a bagger came int ur sight. Mm sn came up with an idea that we shuld give it t him. But the tent was really new and it csted us a lt. Despite Dad， David and Is bjectin， Mm determined her mind and gave it t the bagger， which means we culdn’t d camping anymre.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. The trip was wnderful and we really had a nice time in my grandparents’ huse. Time flw s swiftly that we culdn’t ntice it. After we finished ur trip and came back t ur sweet huse， Mm suddenly fund smething while checking the baggage. She whispered： “Where was the tent？” That’s my Mm， a really nice persn but als a frgetful and absent-minded wman.
点评3
这篇习作延续所给短文情节，围绕帐篷和母亲的健忘续写，与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供的开头语衔接非常紧密，故事设计符合逻辑，虽然总体上以说明性语言为主，但也有一定的描述性语言，而且有的还相当生动，如“She whispered： ‘Where was the tent？”一句，使读者有如闻其声之感。但在语言运用上，本篇习作问题较多。语法方面，有时态错误（如“which means” “Where was the tent？”）、动词屈折变化错误（如“it csted”“Time flw”）、限定词错误（如“Dad， David and Is bjectin” “an idea that ...”）、介词错误（如“in my grandparents’ huse”）、代词错误（如“felt”与“tugh”之间缺失“it”）等。词汇方面，有些词由于意义理解不准确而误用，如将“ur sweet huse”与“ur sweet hme”混淆；有的则是对词汇的搭配和惯用法掌握不到位，如“determined her mind”；有的则可能是受汉语思维的影响，“直译”为英语后意义不清，如“fund smething”（应为“fund smething missing”）；有的则是简单的拼写错误，如“bagger”。有意思的是，本篇习作虽然有不少问题，但考生并没有对语言做刻意的变化追求，总体上而言相当自然，文气较为通畅，以上这些错误对意义的传达并不产生大的影响，不至于过分损及交际任务的完成。本篇习作共产出139词（不含开头语），语句结构与词汇富于变化，连接手段有效，较好地满足了任务的要求，是一篇合格的作文，建议判第三档的高分。
[习作4]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. Until then， it hadn’t shwn any advantages yet. David and I felt deeply upset abut the travel. It didn’t seem like camping r travelling but wrrying abut Mm all the time. The decisins she made and the actins she did must be taken gd care f. Hwever， Mm was lighted and was ready t cntinue the trip. She didn’t say any wrds abut the tent， even thugh Dad had mentined it many times. Withut any hesitatin， we cntinued the trip. She drve happily， while David and I sat quietly behind.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. It had been several times that my brther screamed ut “What a fantastic scenery！” The trip became mre interesting. I began t talk with Mm and Dad. I felt warmth thrugh Mms excited vice. We smiled and laughed alng the way. With the wnderful sights beside us， we all enjyed the trip. That day， I realized that my mm was actually the nicest persn in the wrld. It was her that brught light t ur lives.
点评4
这篇习作内容上与所给短文关系密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较多内容，文气基本连贯，但语言上存在较多错误。语言上的问题，最为突出的是多数语句系由中文“直译”而来却又并不明白所用词语的真正含义，如续写部分的第一句“Until then， it hadn’t shwn any advantages yet”，须由英文硬译回汉语才能明白考生所想表达的意思（“直到那时，帐篷都还没有派过用场”——意思表达不清的主要原因应该是“until”一词的意义与用法没有掌握）。其他如“It didn’t seem like camping r travelling but wrrying abut Mm all the time” “The decisins she made and the actins she did must be taken gd care f” “I felt warmth thrugh Mms excited vice”都存在同样的问题。除此以外，习作某些词语（如“Withut any hesitatin”）的使用有“生拉硬拽”之嫌，导致语言逻辑不当。当然，其他习作中所存在的普通语言问题，也存在于本篇习作中，如词汇误用（如“lighted”应为“delighted”之误）、语法错误（如“What a fantastic scenery”）等，但总体而言，这一类问题较少。本篇习作产出166词（不含开头语），全文内容基本连贯，故事设计虽然没有出彩之处，也没有思想上的升华，但也合情合理，语言上，意义传达虽然受到一点影响，但基本完成了交际任务，可考虑判第三档中段。
[习作5]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. David like the tent very much. He like sleeping in the tent. We can sleep in the tent. And we can nt fund the place t sleep. But mm still said it is a truble. she always wanted t find a vacancy t sleep. But I thinked. the tent is great. I culd see stars and the mn when I sleep in the tent. And I can lk arund the natin.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. I like the trip very much. I culd see a funny mm and a funny dad They always didn’t agree anther. And I als saw many beatiful views. I like this views. Than we visited ur grand Parents. They were healthy. And they can play games with us. We lived at grand parents huse sme days. Then we baced ur hme. I lived the vacatin with my mther.
點评5
这篇习作与所给短文融洽度较高，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较多内容，文气基本连贯。情节内容方面，习作思想较为简单，平铺直叙，有点“流水账”的感觉，但除了如“They always didn’t agree anther”这样个别有点感觉突兀的地方外，总体上应该说还是合理的。语言上，本篇习作问题较多。首先，语句面貌显得简陋，除了两三个句子外，所有语句都是简单句。其次，语法错误较多，如时、体、态方面的错误（“like”“can”“can nt fund”“is”等），词的屈折变化形式错误（“thinked”），介词错误（“she always wanted t find a vacancy t sleep”）等。再次，词汇错误比较突出，如大小写错误（“mm”“grand Parents”“she always wanted”）、拼写错误（“Than” “baced” “grand Parents”）、词义错误（“lived” “vacancy”）、记忆错误（“natin”应为“nature”之误）、用法错误（“agree anther”）等。此外还有标点错误（如“I culd see a funny mm and a funny dad”后缺句号）。这些问题中有不少（如“lk arund the natin” “we baced ur hme”）导致了意义的传达受到较为严重的影响。本篇习作共产出139词（不含开头语），内容逻辑合理，语言上多数情况下意义传达基本顺利，但问题较多，可考虑判为第二档。
[习作6]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us.
I and David were very shcked. I and David gt t the tent fast， we nly can cried and save help， At that time， my mm g back， she help we g ut in the truble.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way.
Thugh a few days， we get the Clrad and Nrth Dakta， we was very excising.
At night， I and David had a dinner with my tw sets f grandparents and g back with mm. I mind that， nbdy as nice as my mm
点评6
应该说，这篇习作与所给短文关系较为密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有较好的衔接，情节内容大体上符合所给短文的限定情景，基本合理。但习作总体面貌简陋，考生共产出79词（不含开头语），第一段5句，第二段4句，而且语句过于简单，语法与词汇错误很多，比较明显的语法错误有时态错误、代词名词词序错误、主谓一致错误、标点错误、大小写错误等，词汇方面，比较明显的错误有搭配错误、拼写错误等，这些错误有的严重影响了意义的传达（如“we nly can cried and save help”“she help we g ut in the truble”“I mind that”），使读者很难明白考生所想表达的意思。另外，本篇习作续写部分由于没有紧接开头语写作，最后形成的实际上不是两段，而是五段，不符合试题要求。总体来看，本篇习作虽然与所提供短文和开头语有较好的衔接，语句间也有一定的连接成分，但产出内容太少，语法结构和词汇项目都很有限，语言面貌不佳，全文内容也不够连贯，交际任务完成情况差，建议判为第一档。
My tw sets f grandparents lived in Clrad and Nrth Dakta， and my parents decided t spend a few weeks driving t thse states and seeing all the sights alng the way. As the first day f ur trip apprached， David， my eight-year-ld brther， and I unwillingly said gd-bye t all f ur friends. Wh knew if we’d ever see them again？ Finally， the mment f ur departure arrived， and we laded suitcases， bks， games， camping equipment， and a tent int the car and bravely drve ff. We bravely drve ff again tw hurs later after wed returned hme t get the purse and travelers checks Mm had frgtten.
David and I were always a little nervus when using gas statin bathrms if Mm was driving while Dad slept： “Yu stand utside the dr and play lkut （放哨） while I g， and I’ll stand utside the dr and play lkut while yu g.” I had terrible pictures in my mind： “Hney， where are the kids？” “What？！ Oh， Gsh… I thught they were being awfully quiet.” We were never actually left behind in a strange city， but we werent abut t take any chances.
On the furth r fifth night， we had truble finding a htel with a vacancy. After driving in vain fr sme time， Mm suddenly gt a great idea： Why didn’t we find a huse with a likely-lking backyard and ask if we culd set up tent there？ David and I became nervus. T ur great relief， Dad turned dwn the idea. Mm never culd understand ur bjectins （反对）. If a strange family shwed up n her frnt drsteps， Mm wuld have been delighted. She thinks everyne in the wrld is as nice as she is. We finally fund a vacancy in the next twn.
注意：
1.所續写短文的词数应为150左右；
2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way.
写作指导
文体： 以记叙文体为主。尤其是续写的第一段，因所给短文第四段母亲的野营提议没有通过，续写第一段又提出帐篷，应围绕帐篷接续故事，避免轻易议论。续写第二段所给开头语既可视作总起性语言，也可视作总结性语言，如果视作总结性语言，则故事已经结束，考生接下去甚至可用整段抒发感情或发表议论，如此，则续写部分的文体可以是记叙文和说明文（议论文）各占一半。
结构 分两段，共150词左右，两段词数最好能基本平衡，一般应避免一段过多一段过少的情况。 内容 结合续写部分所给段落开头语来看，真正的故事发展从第四段开始，前三段只不过都是为了说明母亲的健忘。续写的部分，应着重讲述围绕母亲健忘所发生的趣事。同时，由于原文多次提到母亲“lving” “sweet” “nice”的性格特征，在续写中最好能将这些性格与健忘结合起来。另外，续写的第二段开放性较大，考生可叙事，可说明，可议论，甚至还可以写一点本次旅程以外的内容，对于考查学生的输出能力是很有利的。
本篇故事有一定的思想性，考生在续写部分如将故事做恰当的提炼和升华，应该得到鼓励。需要特别指出的是，所给短文（含标题）中提到了“vacatin” “an interesting childhd” “surprises and amusements” “strange”等，这些内容一方面给续写提供了一些可用的线索，但另一方面却容易干扰考生对故事主线的把握，考生在阅读所给短文和续写的过程中可以不加特别关注。同理，原文中一些描述和说明，如“... unwillingly said gd-bye t all f ur friends. Wh knew if we’d ever see them again？”“Yu stand utside the dr and play lkut while I g， and I’ll stand utside the dr and play lkut while yu g.” “I had terrible pictures in my mind： ‘Hney， where are the kids？ ‘What？！ Oh， Gsh ... I thught they were being awfully quiet.”等，对部分考生的理解可能具有较大难度，但其实这些语句除了说明母亲的健忘外，对故事主线的发展并没有制约与贡献，考生在续写时也可不加特别关注。
语言 时态上，所给短文叙述发生在过去的一件事情，采用过去时。续写时，记叙文体部分沿用过去时，抒情或议论部分则要视情况区别对待：如是针对当时（过去）情况，则用过去时；如是针对普遍情况，则用现在时。短文语言总体较为平实，没有过于特别的句式，也没有大词生僻词，但描写生动，还有一些幽默的表达法（如“My tw sets f grandparents” “We bravely drve ff again ... ”以及加油站里的对话等）。续写时最好能延续这种风格。当然，所给短文的幽默不太容易察知和模拟，但平实的风格应该在续写中得到体现，在此基础上，用词和句式可以有变化，描写可以尽量生动，但不应盲目追求所谓的“高大上”，应以意义的恰当传达为准则，使用干净、明白、有表现力的语言。描写中可恰当使用一些对话，但须注意不应过多，尤其是不应有过多过于简单的对话，否则无法在有限的空间里展示语言运用能力。记叙文体部分应注重细节，多使用描绘性、描述性的语言，不要过多使用说明性的语言。抒情或议论部分可恰当使用说明性、总结性的语言。要恰当使用语句连接成分，但需要注意的是，能够完成语句连接任务的并不只有连接词和连接性副词及词组，还包括其他许多手段，如代词（代名词、代动词）、某些修辞手法（如重复、平行结构等），甚至句式变换等。续写语句的文气应与开头语相接，所续写语句相互之间的文气也应相接，使文章自然流畅，符合语言逻辑。文题所给短文由于人物与事件关系相对比较简单，两句开头语对接续语句主位的要求并不十分严格，考生在这一方面基本都能很好地完成任务。 形式 应紧接每段开头语续写，使开头语与续写部分形成一个完整的段落。如果是在开头语行下方开始续写，实际上就是另外一段了，不符合试题“续写部分分为两段”的说明（亦即要求）。书写应规范工整。
习作点评
习作1]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. Thinking f this tent， Mm suggested that we g camping in the next village in excitement， with eyes glittering. Cnsidering her enthusiasm， we all agreed. When the dr f ur car pened， Mm strmed ut instantly and urged us t put up the tent. David and I were asked t pick up sme branches t build a fire. And when we came back， Dad and Mm had already lain n the grass cmfrtably in frnt f the tent， talking merrily with a lcal by at ur age， wh always cast a glimpse at this tent curiusly. Sn we learnt that the by in rags even didn’t have a hme t live. Of curse， Mm “frgt” t take this tent with us again.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. And we als had a nice time living with my grandparents during that vacatin. But what impressed me mst was that tent， which was frgtten deliberately by Mm. Thugh she did lve ging camping， she presented that pr by with this tent ut f sympathy. It was Mm that made my childhd clrful. And it was als see that shwed me the true meaning f giving.
点评1
这篇习作描写细致，文气较为通畅，语言面貌总体相当不错，较好地完成了交际任务。习作故事情节设计合理，与短文融洽度高，人物行为描写细腻（如爸爸妈妈躺在草地上的情景），同时穿插心理描绘（如男孩不停看帐篷的眼神），动静结合，第二段的说明解释与故事结合紧密，非常合理。习作语言富于变化，如语言结构上复杂句与简单句、长句与短句错杂使用，尤其是两段结尾的短句，使文章显得有力。文章将“frgt”一词放在引号中，说明妈妈此次的健忘乃是出于其“lving”与“sweet”的美好品格，使续写的故事出乎意料之外，又在情理之中，而且提升了故事的主题思想，还给续写第二段的情感抒发做了铺垫。此外，习作有较好的修辞意识，尤其是结尾两句用了平行结构，用两个分裂句强调了母亲的优良品质，很好地使文章思想得到了升华，是习作的闪光之处。习作在描写过程中恰当地使用了一些具有较强表现力的细节描述性语言，如“Mm strmed ut” “talking merrily” “always cast a glimpse at this tent curiusly”等，使故事非常生动。当然，习作中存在的问题也是明显的。首先，习作在语法知识应用上尚显幼稚，如“eyes”前缺失限定词“her”，“didn’t have a hme t live”后缺失介词“in”等。其次，词汇方面，习作对一些词的词义把握不清，如不清楚“glimpse”与“glance”，“living”与“staying”，“grass”与“lawn”的区别；一些词的词性与用法掌握不精，如用“had already lain”来表达“躺在；已经躺下”的概念（应为“had already lain dwn”或“were already lying”）；等等。但总体而言，这些问题对意义传达影响不大。当然，如能将这些问题修正，同时调整一些语句（如将“always cast a glimpse”改为“kept glancing”等），则将更加完善。本篇习作词汇与语法结构较为丰富，语句间连接成分有效，标点准确。习作产出188词（不含开头语）。
[习作2]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. The reasn was that we culdn’t find a htel， meaning that ur tent had t be used and Mms dream came true. Unexpectedly， David nticed that Mn disappeared after dinner. Eventually， it was Dad that fund Mm. This absent-minded and frgetful wman explained that she just wanted t seek sme charming flwers but gt lst finally. Hwever， thanks t Mm， we fund a new way with mre beautiful views where she gt lst.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. All f a sudden， as driving， Mm asked， “Where is ur camping equipment？” In the end， we had t accept the fact that we ught t return t find it left by Mm. In that time， I thught this trip was in a mess because f Mm. But it’s bvius fr me tday that ur trip shuld have been bring withut this lving and sweet lady. There is n persn even a wise lady that can match her， my lving， sweet， yet absent-minded and frgetful mm.
点评2
这篇习作产出159词（不含开头语），与短文融洽度较高，尽管续写部分与段落开头语的衔接不能称之为紧密，但总体而言仍然是合理的。故事情节上，本篇习作与上篇一样，有出乎意料却合乎情理的设计，将目光放在母亲的粗心所带来的好结果上，做了翻案文章，既与所给短文紧密衔接，也使第二段的情感抒发显得自然。语言上，习作意义传达基本清楚，对语法结构和词汇的丰富性、准确性有较好的注意，文气总体较为流畅。应该说，这篇习作还是比较顺利地完成了交际任务。尤其值得指出的是，习作不但注意到了词汇的丰富性，而且能够针对不同的意义与情感表达需要来变换词汇（如说母亲“absent-minded and frgetful”时用的是“wman”，说她“lving and sweet”时用了“lady”，最后把这两类品质结合，用了“mm”），这在考生习作中是不多见的。另外值得称赞的是，本篇习作注意了使用不同语法形式来表达意义（如“it’s bvius fr me tday”中现在时的使用和“ur trip shuld have been bring”中情态助动词与完成体的结合等）。当然，与上一篇习作相比，本篇问题稍稍突出一些，主要表现在以下几个方面：一是对词句意义与语篇意义的联系注意不够，如第一段的“The reasn was ...”和“meaning ...”、第二段的“All f a sudden， as driving”等，让读者感觉不好理解；二是对语法结构的意义把握不准，导致意义发生偏差，如“it was Dad that fund Mm”（或许是不恰当追求“高大上”的结果）；三是低级语法错误导致意义不清，如“There is n persn even a wise lady that can match her”；四是有少许不应该出现的拼写方面的错误，如“Mn”。但是，总体而言，习作中所出现的问题对意义传达的影响并不突出，长短相较，应该说本篇习作在本次浙江省高考英语中属于较好的一篇，可考虑判为第四档。
[习作3]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. It seemed that we wuldn’t get any chance t use it. Just when we felt tugh t deal with it， a bagger came int ur sight. Mm sn came up with an idea that we shuld give it t him. But the tent was really new and it csted us a lt. Despite Dad， David and Is bjectin， Mm determined her mind and gave it t the bagger， which means we culdn’t d camping anymre.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. The trip was wnderful and we really had a nice time in my grandparents’ huse. Time flw s swiftly that we culdn’t ntice it. After we finished ur trip and came back t ur sweet huse， Mm suddenly fund smething while checking the baggage. She whispered： “Where was the tent？” That’s my Mm， a really nice persn but als a frgetful and absent-minded wman.
点评3
这篇习作延续所给短文情节，围绕帐篷和母亲的健忘续写，与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供的开头语衔接非常紧密，故事设计符合逻辑，虽然总体上以说明性语言为主，但也有一定的描述性语言，而且有的还相当生动，如“She whispered： ‘Where was the tent？”一句，使读者有如闻其声之感。但在语言运用上，本篇习作问题较多。语法方面，有时态错误（如“which means” “Where was the tent？”）、动词屈折变化错误（如“it csted”“Time flw”）、限定词错误（如“Dad， David and Is bjectin” “an idea that ...”）、介词错误（如“in my grandparents’ huse”）、代词错误（如“felt”与“tugh”之间缺失“it”）等。词汇方面，有些词由于意义理解不准确而误用，如将“ur sweet huse”与“ur sweet hme”混淆；有的则是对词汇的搭配和惯用法掌握不到位，如“determined her mind”；有的则可能是受汉语思维的影响，“直译”为英语后意义不清，如“fund smething”（应为“fund smething missing”）；有的则是简单的拼写错误，如“bagger”。有意思的是，本篇习作虽然有不少问题，但考生并没有对语言做刻意的变化追求，总体上而言相当自然，文气较为通畅，以上这些错误对意义的传达并不产生大的影响，不至于过分损及交际任务的完成。本篇习作共产出139词（不含开头语），语句结构与词汇富于变化，连接手段有效，较好地满足了任务的要求，是一篇合格的作文，建议判第三档的高分。
[习作4]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. Until then， it hadn’t shwn any advantages yet. David and I felt deeply upset abut the travel. It didn’t seem like camping r travelling but wrrying abut Mm all the time. The decisins she made and the actins she did must be taken gd care f. Hwever， Mm was lighted and was ready t cntinue the trip. She didn’t say any wrds abut the tent， even thugh Dad had mentined it many times. Withut any hesitatin， we cntinued the trip. She drve happily， while David and I sat quietly behind.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. It had been several times that my brther screamed ut “What a fantastic scenery！” The trip became mre interesting. I began t talk with Mm and Dad. I felt warmth thrugh Mms excited vice. We smiled and laughed alng the way. With the wnderful sights beside us， we all enjyed the trip. That day， I realized that my mm was actually the nicest persn in the wrld. It was her that brught light t ur lives.
点评4
这篇习作内容上与所给短文关系密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较多内容，文气基本连贯，但语言上存在较多错误。语言上的问题，最为突出的是多数语句系由中文“直译”而来却又并不明白所用词语的真正含义，如续写部分的第一句“Until then， it hadn’t shwn any advantages yet”，须由英文硬译回汉语才能明白考生所想表达的意思（“直到那时，帐篷都还没有派过用场”——意思表达不清的主要原因应该是“until”一词的意义与用法没有掌握）。其他如“It didn’t seem like camping r travelling but wrrying abut Mm all the time” “The decisins she made and the actins she did must be taken gd care f” “I felt warmth thrugh Mms excited vice”都存在同样的问题。除此以外，习作某些词语（如“Withut any hesitatin”）的使用有“生拉硬拽”之嫌，导致语言逻辑不当。当然，其他习作中所存在的普通语言问题，也存在于本篇习作中，如词汇误用（如“lighted”应为“delighted”之误）、语法错误（如“What a fantastic scenery”）等，但总体而言，这一类问题较少。本篇习作产出166词（不含开头语），全文内容基本连贯，故事设计虽然没有出彩之处，也没有思想上的升华，但也合情合理，语言上，意义传达虽然受到一点影响，但基本完成了交际任务，可考虑判第三档中段。
[习作5]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us. David like the tent very much. He like sleeping in the tent. We can sleep in the tent. And we can nt fund the place t sleep. But mm still said it is a truble. she always wanted t find a vacancy t sleep. But I thinked. the tent is great. I culd see stars and the mn when I sleep in the tent. And I can lk arund the natin.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way. I like the trip very much. I culd see a funny mm and a funny dad They always didn’t agree anther. And I als saw many beatiful views. I like this views. Than we visited ur grand Parents. They were healthy. And they can play games with us. We lived at grand parents huse sme days. Then we baced ur hme. I lived the vacatin with my mther.
點评5
这篇习作与所给短文融洽度较高，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较多内容，文气基本连贯。情节内容方面，习作思想较为简单，平铺直叙，有点“流水账”的感觉，但除了如“They always didn’t agree anther”这样个别有点感觉突兀的地方外，总体上应该说还是合理的。语言上，本篇习作问题较多。首先，语句面貌显得简陋，除了两三个句子外，所有语句都是简单句。其次，语法错误较多，如时、体、态方面的错误（“like”“can”“can nt fund”“is”等），词的屈折变化形式错误（“thinked”），介词错误（“she always wanted t find a vacancy t sleep”）等。再次，词汇错误比较突出，如大小写错误（“mm”“grand Parents”“she always wanted”）、拼写错误（“Than” “baced” “grand Parents”）、词义错误（“lived” “vacancy”）、记忆错误（“natin”应为“nature”之误）、用法错误（“agree anther”）等。此外还有标点错误（如“I culd see a funny mm and a funny dad”后缺句号）。这些问题中有不少（如“lk arund the natin” “we baced ur hme”）导致了意义的传达受到较为严重的影响。本篇习作共产出139词（不含开头语），内容逻辑合理，语言上多数情况下意义传达基本顺利，但问题较多，可考虑判为第二档。
[习作6]
The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brught with us.
I and David were very shcked. I and David gt t the tent fast， we nly can cried and save help， At that time， my mm g back， she help we g ut in the truble.
We drve thrugh several states and saw lts f great sights alng the way.
Thugh a few days， we get the Clrad and Nrth Dakta， we was very excising.
At night， I and David had a dinner with my tw sets f grandparents and g back with mm. I mind that， nbdy as nice as my mm
点评6
应该说，这篇习作与所给短文关系较为密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有较好的衔接，情节内容大体上符合所给短文的限定情景，基本合理。但习作总体面貌简陋，考生共产出79词（不含开头语），第一段5句，第二段4句，而且语句过于简单，语法与词汇错误很多，比较明显的语法错误有时态错误、代词名词词序错误、主谓一致错误、标点错误、大小写错误等，词汇方面，比较明显的错误有搭配错误、拼写错误等，这些错误有的严重影响了意义的传达（如“we nly can cried and save help”“she help we g ut in the truble”“I mind that”），使读者很难明白考生所想表达的意思。另外，本篇习作续写部分由于没有紧接开头语写作，最后形成的实际上不是两段，而是五段，不符合试题要求。总体来看，本篇习作虽然与所提供短文和开头语有较好的衔接，语句间也有一定的连接成分，但产出内容太少，语法结构和词汇项目都很有限，语言面貌不佳，全文内容也不够连贯，交际任务完成情况差，建议判为第一档。
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