考点37 读后续写02 环境描写突破（原卷版+解析版）

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【命题解读】
通过对环境的描写，能够向读者交待故事的背景，衬托人物，渲染气氛，从而推动情节发展。环境描写真的是必不可少的。此外，作者可以通过环境描写向读者间接的表达着故事中主人公的内心情感变化。
【思维导图】
【环境描写的重要性】
首先要明确的是，把主旨想清楚，时刻不忘“写景乃为主旨服务”这句话。如果景物与主旨无关，就是为写景而写景，就是无效的写景。
例如，大家看看我要传达出“高兴”与“悲伤”两种不同主旨时，该用下面哪种景物描写。
A. 花儿低着头，杨柳无精打采。
B. 花儿昂着头，杨柳摆动这枝条。
答案一目了然。
所以，景随主旨变。先确定主旨，然后来写景，这样才有效果。
通常情况下，传达出的情感好，则用褒义色彩的美好的、正向的词。传达出情感需要不好，则用贬义色彩的糟糕负面的词。大家看下面三例：
The wind was blwing dreadfully(恐怖地)。
The wind was blwing sftly（柔和地）。
The wind was blwing cmfrtably（舒服地）。
可以看出三句传达出什么样的情感吧。
“情景交融”法
【用一个公式来表达就是：写景+感受】
写景后，再添加一个明显的情感描写，就是指：有时在景物描写之后，加上一两句自己的情感态度。这样做的整体效果就是：情境交融。当然，如果你想造成“留白启发思考”的效果，那么就没有必要添加这种显性的情感态度描写了。
举个例子，大家记得2017年11月高考《健忘的妈妈》的故事续写吧。第一段可以用到下面三句：
That night we set up ur tent in a park.（那天晚上我们在公园里搭起帐篷。）
The mn was held up abve the sky, shining her smth and charming mnlight. （月亮被高举在天空的上方，照耀着她那光滑而迷人的月光。）
Twinkling stars were blinking（眨眼）, and fragrant（芬芳的）breeze（微风） gently blew.（闪烁的星星眨着眼，芬芳的微风轻轻地吹着。）
这个景物描写很精彩。但是如果后面在加一句：
Resting beside my mther, with hands held tightly by her, I feel the wrld is s beautiful.（躺在母亲身边，双手紧紧地握着母亲，我觉得这个世界是如此美丽。）
这样一加，就让“母亲”显现，就让“我与母亲关系和谐”的主旨就显现了。
再比如，下面两句景物描写：
第1句：The wind was hwling dreadfully and the rain was puring frm the heaven, whipping against the branches f lined（成排的） trees.
（风可怕地嚎叫，雨从天倾斜而来，拍打着成排的树枝。）
第2句：The wrld was laded with a sea f darkness（世界承载着一片海洋般的黑暗）.
这两句的后面，如果再加一句：
I was seized with the raring pwer f nature. A sense f hrrr creeping up n me. （我被自然发怒的力量抓住了。一种恐惧感悄悄爬到我身上。）
这样就进一步强调了自己的情感。
总之，根据凸显“情感”的需要，我们可以决定是不是该加一句显性的“情感表达”，来决定是不是呈现显性的“情景交融”。
比喻法
我们的环境描写还可以用比喻手法，用“like”即可，并交代、突出特点。如果总结成公式，【那就是：写景+比喻+特点】
与大家分享的例子是一位美国作家的短篇小说The Whistle (寒笛)中的写景片段：
原文是：
Night fell. The darkness was thin, like sme sleazy dress that has been wrn and wrn fr many winters and always lets the cld thrugh t the bnes. Then the mn rse.
译文：
夜色降临, 暮色稀薄, 犹如穿过了数个冬季的敝衣, 难以抵御刺骨的严寒。而后月亮升起。
（sleazy 稀薄的， let.. thrugh 让...通过,类似pass thrugh）
02
我们再来做句子分析：
这句话的核心句是：The darkness was thin，即：暮色稀薄。其他内容都是锦上添花的作用，就是让这个核心句子显得更加完整具体。怎么做到的呢？首先是用到了比喻：这里的 like.就起到了这个作用：“like sme sleazy dress”像是一条薄薄的裙子，将darkness比作薄薄的裙子还不够，还穿了好几个冬天(has been wrn and wrn fr many winters),冬天里穿裙子一定非常的寒冷。于是作者又加上了寒冷入骨(t the bnes)。如此，一个寒冷的夜晚(cld night)与一件不能御寒的敞衣相联系，内容可以如此丰富。
关于比喻，可能有些同学不是特别熟悉，再给大家一个例句：
A fire still fluttered in the grate (壁炉炉膛), ... like a bird trying t find its way ut f the rm.一团火还在壁炉炉膛里舞动着，就像一只挣脱束缚的鸟。
这句话里，把壁炉里跳动的火苗比作想挣脱束缚的鸟（find its way ut f the rm）。使“火苗”的描写更加生动。
我们再来上面提到的“薄雾”的例子，回忆一下公式：
写景+比喻+特点
如果说详细一点就是：
平平无奇的交代下自然现象+比喻（定语从句或非谓语修饰）+突出特点(冷得不得了)
学习读后续写，最快的方式，就是改编，仿写。我们一起来牛刀小试一下吧：如果我们要描写“雾”，应该怎么写呢？
The wind was blwing. The mist was getting thick, like a huge textured velvet clak, making what is hidden inside an unclear mystery.
风正在吹。雾越来越浓，像一件巨大的有质感的天鹅绒斗篷，把一切隐藏在模糊的神秘之中。
这句仿写的句子很好的get到了比喻的精髓，非常好的运用了“like”，textured velvet clak（有质感的天鹅绒斗篷），形象具体。非谓语making做状语，也着实炫了一下语法。既简洁描绘了景色，又营造了一种神秘、紧张的氛围。
【素材积累】
1. 人物动作的画面定格
They std there fr a mment, side by side, waiting fr the rushing hliday current and fr their place in it. Then the daughter glanced ver and mmentarily regarded her mther. And slwly, almst reluctantly, she placed her arm with apparently unaccustmed affectin arund her mther’s shulders and gently guided her back int the deluge. 她们并肩站在那里，等待着节日的浪潮，等待着她们在浪潮中的位置。然后女儿扫了一眼，立刻注视着她的母亲。慢慢地，几乎是不情愿地，带着明显不习惯的爱她把胳膊放在她母亲的肩膀上，轻轻地引导她回到洪水中。
His hard wrk paid ff! Hlding the sda tin firmly, Reuben rushed fr the shp t buy the brch. The mment he gt the beautiful brch, he burst thrugh the frnt dr and placed it in Dra’s hand. Never had Dra received such a gift. Speechless and happy, she held her sn tightly int her arms, with tears welling up in her eyes.他的努力得到了回报！鲁本紧紧地握着汽水罐，冲向商店去买胸针。他一拿到那枚漂亮的胸针，就冲进前门，把它放在朵拉的手里。多拉从来没有收到过这样的礼物。她高兴得说不出话来，紧紧地把儿子抱在怀里，眼泪涌了出来。
Standing beside the empty rad, they lked up int the sky, feeling the precius peace frm within.
站在空旷的道路旁，他们抬头仰望天空，从内心感受到珍贵的平和。
2. 特殊寓意的写景画面
The sky was a billin pure eyes f light and the grass green underft, it was as if night and day had becme ne beautiful mment. Dawn had cme. 天空像是一亿只纯净的眼睛拼接在一起，脚下是青草，仿佛黑夜和白昼已成为一个美丽的时刻。黎明已经来临。（黎明到来的画面）
Dawn sent shimmering rays ver the placid cean, bestwing a glden path frm the shre t the hrizn.黎明在平静的海面上放射出出闪闪发亮的光线，留下一条从海岸到地平线横亘而过的金色道路。（黎明到来的画面）
The crystal and cerulean water was gentle as I waded thrugh it, the sunset like range paint n a blue canvas.当我涉过水晶般天蓝色的轻柔的水时，日落就像蓝色画布上的橙色颜料。（美好日落时的画面）
The lingering sunlight was bliterated by the rapidly falling night，resembling a pitch-black curtain draped ver the sky.逗留在天际的最后一缕阳光被迅速落下的夜幕擦除，就像是天空被一层漆黑的幕布覆盖。（日落时的画面）
The mn under siege by stars seemed t lighten the night bringing frth stars that shne and hung in the blackness. The never ending blackness cnsumed everything.被群星围困的月亮似乎照亮了黑夜，带来了在黑暗中闪耀和悬挂着的群星。无尽的黑暗吞噬了一切。（描写夜空的画面）
Lking up, I saw the sun shine brighter than I ever knew befre. I saw a tree in the distance glisten gently as it reflected the sun's rays. My cnsciusness ebbed away with the heat. I tk a few blinks befre I landed with a thud. 抬头一看，我看到太阳比我以前所知道的还要明亮。我看见远处有一棵树反射着太阳光，发出柔和的光辉。我的意识随着热度而衰退。我眨了眨眼，然后摔倒在地才猛然回到现实中，恢复了知觉。（特殊寓意）
Dtted with glittering stars, the sky, midnight blue, gave the scene a fairytale quality. 缀满星光的天空，午夜的蓝色，给了这一场景一个童话般的质量。（神话般美丽的夜空画面）
The rain drummed n the windw, bidding farewell t the last beam f sunlight.雨水打着窗户，向最后一缕阳光告别。（雨水来临的画面）
Kissed by the rain and glistening, the wet grund is cld under ft. A dense earthly sweet smell rises frm the grund, envelping everything within its sft embrace.潮湿的地面走起来很冷，被雨水亲吻后闪闪发光。一股浓郁的泥土般的香味从地上升起，把一切都包裹在它柔软的怀抱里。（雨后清新的画面）
The leaves crunched beneath my feet as I strlled dwn the street. Occasinally, ne wuld fall past me, lightly swaying as the air gently carried it t the grund. 我在街上漫步时，树叶在我脚下嘎吱作响。偶尔，有叶子会从我身边掉下来，轻轻地摇晃，缓缓落到到地面。（描写落叶的画面）
【模拟题 1】（2022·福建漳州·一模）
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Allisn std in line with the rest f her class, waiting fr the schl drs t pen. This was the last day befre schl clsed fr Christmas break. She culdn’t wait fr secret gift swap (交换) happening in class tday. Alisn tuned t say smething t her best friend, Wendy, then frze. She was surprised t see Wendy lking dwn at the grund with her bks pressed tightly t her chest.
“What’s wrng, Wendy?” Allisn asked quietly.
Wendy shk her head, her eyes cnnecting with Allisn’s. Allisn culd see that Wendy’s face was as dark as a clud, with n smile in sight.
“My parents didn’t give me anything t bring t the gift swap,” she whispered. “They said they didn’t have extra mney fr stuff like that.”
Allisn lked at Wendy, cnfused. “But, we weren’t suppsed t bring anything expensive. Just smething small that didn’t cst a lt f mney.”
Allisn thught back t the last time she’d been at Wendy’s huse. She’d pened the refrigeratr lking fr smething t drink, nly t find that it was mstly empty. The furniture in Wendy’s huse lked ld and beaten up.
“It will be kay, Wendy,” Allisn said. “We get t have all that time ff fr Christmas. Cme n, cheer up!”
Wendy gave her a small smile, then lked away. At that mment, a whistle blew, and the kids started walking int the schl building. The Christmas party was abut t start.
One by ne, the kids drpped their gifts int the bag the teacher was hlding. Allisn lked ver at Wendy. Mst f the kids were smiling arund the bag, eager t get started, but Wendy std ff t the side, lking dwn at her feet. Allisn hated seeing her friend s upset. She wished there were smething she culd d abut it.
“Cme n up, Allisn. It’s yur turn,” the teacher said.
Sn everyne had pulled ut a gift and unwrapped it.
注意：1. 续写词数应为150左右；
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Paragraph 1:
Allisn lked dwn at her gift: a little glass cat.
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“Wendy, I want yu t have this,” she said.
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【模拟题 2】（2022·重庆·西南大学附中一模）
阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。
Ken Sctt kicked ff the cvers and leapt ut f bed at his hme in the Rcky Muntain twn f Mullan, Idah. He’d just heard n the radi that the nearby Silver Muntain Resrt had been blessed with nearly a ft and a half f new snw. As an experienced ski addict, he didn’t want t miss this big glden pprtunity. These cnditins are what skiers live fr.
When Sctt reached Silver Muntain’s lcker rm, he came acrss his friend Paul, a frmer ski instructr wh had als been a regular n these slpes fr mre than tw decades. Bth f them were exhilarated. Befre setting ff, it was Paul’s rutine t check his phne tightly fixed inside his parka (风雪外套). Fr the next hur the pair skied n varius runs under a lightly dull sky, making fresh tracks. They were bth in a playful md, laughing as they tackled the steep runs.
Almst immediately, the snw beneath their feet gave way. In a millisecnd, Paul realized what was happening. “Avalanche! (雪崩)” he yelled t Sctt, wh was nt far behind. Sctt respnded. The sudden snw slide caused fear in his vice. “This is happening!” Instantly, bth were hit by a mass f snw that wuld hit and carry them sme 500 feet dwn the muntain. Sctt felt it surrunding and enclsing him, mving quickly up his back and ver his shulders, then heavy against his neck. Snw filled the space in frnt f him and piled up arund the whle f him. Paul, t, was swept dwnhill.
They remembered the avalanche survival lessns they had learned. Keep yur head up. Try t swim. Stay n tp f the snw. But the snw was t pwerful and they felt themselves rlling like a lad f clthes in a washing machine. When Sctt finally came t rest, he was lying n his left side and cmpletely buried, skis and ples still attached.
注意：1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右；
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Paragraph 1:
Paul was luckier, ending up partially buried and prbably surviving.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph 2:
Recalling the terrible experience, Sctt thanked his friend and the rescue team.
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【模拟题 3】（2022·湖南邵阳·一模）
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
It was Christmas 1961. I was teaching in a small twn where my twenty-seven third graders eagerly expected the great day f gift-giving.
Each day the children made sme new wnders-strings f ppcrn, hand-made decratins, and German bells made frm wallpaper samples, which we hung frm the ceiling. Thrugh it all she stayed indifferent, watching frm a distance, seemingly miles away. I wndered what wuld happen t this quiet child, nce s happy, nw s suddenly unsciable. I hped the celebratins wuld light her up. But nthing did. We made cards and gifts fr mthers and dads, fr sisters and brthers, fr grandparents, and fr each ther. At hme the students made the fried marbles（油炸玻璃弹子） and cmpeted with ne anther t bring in the prettiest nes. As my gift t them, I made each f my students a little bag fr carrying their fried marbles. And I knew they had each made smething special fr me.
The day f gift giving finally came. We hed and aahed ver ur handwrk as the presents were exchanged. But she sat quietly watching. I had made a special bag fr her, red and green with white lace, hping very much t see her smile. She pened it s slwly and carefully. I waited but she turned away. I had nt passed thrugh the wall f islatin she had built arund herself.
After schl the children left in little grups, but she hesitated, watching them g ut f the dr. I sat dwn in a child-sized chair t catch my breath, hardly knwing what was happening when she came t me reaching ut her hands, hlding a small white bx unwrapped and slightly siled, as thugh it had been held many times by unwashed, childish hands. She said nthing.
注意:1. 续写词数应为150左右。
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
“Fr me?” I asked with a weak smile.
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I carefully held ut the chain.
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【模拟题 4】（2022·江苏省苏州实验中学模拟预测）
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
“Mmmy, dn’t g,” my threeyearld sn screamed as I walked t the dr. My fifteenyearld leaned against the kitchen cunter with his arms flded acrss his chest, nt screaming, but glaring at me as I pulled his little brther ff my legs.
“Are yu mad at me t?”
“Yu spend all yur time taking care f ther peple’s kids, but what abut us?” Dylan left angrily.
I was shcked and a little hurt. Hw culd my wn child nt understand that the wrk I was ding was saving lives? Then the answer hit me. He didn’t knw, because he had never seen what Healing the Children actually did. Dylan had heard the stries f sick children, but had never nce lked int the eyes f a child and understd the hard truth—that withut ur help, the children wuld likely die.
“Get dressed. Yu are ging with me,” I said.
I spent the drive explaining the case f Hectr t my sn, wh pretended t ignre me the entire time. “He’s seven, nly weighs thirty punds and is very sick. He has a heart cnditin called Tetralgy f Fallt, which culd kill him. It is a miracle (奇迹) that he is still alive.”
I went n t explain that it tk a team f vlunteer medical staff t get Hectr t the hspital frm his remte village and care fr him while he was there. Still, Dylan seemed unimpressed.
We stpped at a cnvenience stre fr water and snacks. Dylan had ne large and ne small Slurpee (思乐冰饮料). He said the small ne was fr Hectr. I dubted whether the little guy wuld be able t drink it, but remained silent. This was the first interest Dylan had shwn in being there. I wasn’t abut t ruin it.
I stpped at the nurses’ statin t check n Hectr’s prgress while Dylan went t his rm. Our patient was recvering physically, but the nurse was cncerned that Hectr was struggling emtinally. She said, “Kids usually bunce back fast, but he hardly speaks and never smiles.”
注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；
2．请按如下格式作答。
Imagine my surprise when I heard laughter frm Hectr’s rm
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On the way hme that night, Dylan asked me several times whether Hectr wuld be kay.
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【模拟题 5】（2022·湖南·长郡中学二模）
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Having struggled with financial difficulties fr six mnths and failing t find a way ut, I had t clse my technlgy writing business. Frtunately, I fund a new jb as a salespersn and sn gt a client. At the time, I wndered if it was t gd t be true.
By the secnd mnth, smething didn’t seem right, and I develped a bad feeling abut the client and the wrk. When the third mnth’s check didn’t arrive n time, I sent the client an e-mail t find ut what was ging n. But there was n reply. Then I sent anther e-mail, and anther. The check never arrived, and I never heard frm the client again. With n hpe in sight, I hit rck bttm. Panic replaced cautius ptimism alng with my last self-cnfidence.
I hid myself frm friends and lcked myself in my rm. One night, the phne rang. The call was frm Eric, a friend f mine frm high schl. When he was in high schl, he tld me many times abut his parents’ divrce and his lss f cnfidence in the cllege entrance examinatin. During the difficult time, I gave him much cmfrt and encuragement. Later, he went t cllege and was always grateful fr what I had dne.
After the greetings, I tld my prblems and challenges, hping my friend wuld say smething cmfrting. What I didn’t expect was a string f sharp wrds. “What is wrng with yu? Yu can d anything yu want t d,” he said. “Yu are a writer, s start writing. Write fr magazine.” “Write fr magazine? Are yu ut f yur mind? I dn’t knw the first thing abut writing fr magazine, let alne write things that anyne wuld want t read. And I have t knw where I can send an applicatin frm-t what magazine and t what editr,” I shuted at him.
注意：1. 续写词数应为150左右；
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Surprisingly, I felt a little better after the shuting.
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On finishing the applicatin frm I sent it t the editr.
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【模拟题 6】（2022·湖南·周南中学模拟预测）
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一个完整的短文。
Almst all the pssessins had been sld t buy fd and clthing fr the family. At last, nthing was left but the pet lamb, Daisy. At the thught f parting with the little creature, Mrs. Grant’s felt sad because the children lved it very much. Having struggled hard, she had t make up her mind t sell the lamb. But she culd nt ask any child t g fr the butcher. Finally, she went herself with a heavy heart, dragging her leaden feet, and bargained with the butcher fr the sale f Daisy.
While the children were all playing with the lamb, the butcher and his by came t the dr. “ Yu see I am here fr the lamb, ” said the butcher in a lud vice. Hearing this, ne child ran t her mther’s side, and asked what was happening in alarm. Mrs. Grant gently pushed the child aside, bent dwn and was abut t tell the truth.
“That’s my lamb nw, Charlie! ” said the butcher’s by in a playful tne, ging up t Daisy with a rpe in his hand.
“N, it is nt yur lamb. It is urs! ” said Charlie, placing himself in frnt f it.
But the by, pushing him aside, threw a rpe rund Daisy’s neck, and began t drag the little creature away. The pr lamb bleated (咩咩叫) very sadly. The cry f grief which fell upn the mther’s ears was t much fr her, and her heart sank within her. In a mment, begging with tearful eyes, the children were all arund their mther with vices chking with sbs fr their little pet.
“Please tell yur by t stp a mment, ” she said in husky tnes t the butcher. The by, at a wrd frm the butcher, stpped dragging the lamb, and the little creature stpped its bleating.
In a trembling vice, Mrs. Grant explained t them hw badly ff they were after their father died. She als added that the kind butcher had given the mney fr Daisy. With this mney, she culd buy her children bread t eat.
注意：1.续写词数应为150词左右；
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Para1:
But the mre she explained, the strnger her children begged fr Daisy.
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The butcher, wh had been watching all, was tuched in his heart.
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